Here's Mud In Your Ear

When I was younger (I'm not sure exactly what age but I was old enough to walk home from school by myself -- which was pretty young WAAAAAYYYYY back then), mom made appointments for me to see the ear specialist. I was just getting a check-up because I had chronic ear infections as a child.

Mom sent me to school with a note allowing me to leave school early. It was raining that day so she warned me "Don't walk through Burkholder School because it'll be full of mud". Now, why did she have to go and say that? She might as well have shaken the chicken bones and put a full-
blown curse on my head.

Both my teacher and I forgot to watch the time and I left school about 20 minutes later than I should have. I knew I had to get home quickly or mom was going to blow a gasket. I decided to cut through Burkholder School to save some time. (See? What'd I tell ya?).

About halfway across the field, I walked through a puddle and one of my feet sunk into the mud and it became stuck. No problem. I firmly planted the other foot and was able to get the stuck foot out. Only to find that the second foot was stuck instead. CRAP!!!! What the heck was I going to do? I did what any young girl would do...I screamed my ass off. I screamed until I was hoarse. Of course, no one heard me. I was too far from the school and it was mid-day. Everyone was still in school or taking advantage of the kids being in school. I imagine if any of the housewives heard me screaming, they just decided to ignore it until their "stories" were over.

Screaming didn't bring the police, fire and ambulance so I knew I had to try something else. I was wearing those boots that you put over shoes so I thought maybe I'd take the boots off and walk in my shoes. Nope. That would get my shoes all muddy and they were my new runners and mom would kill me. Scratch that idea.

AHA! It came to me. I bent at the waist, leaned way over and grabbed both feet at the toes with my hands and started pulling up. Yup. I was gonna pull both feet out of the mud at the same time. It was working too. I felt my toes lifting from the mud...WHOO HOO!

THUNK....SQUISH....

While I was bent over, I lost my balance and did a summersault to land flat on my back in the mud. I was completely covered in mud. Literally, mud from head to toe.

I think that was the first time I ever prayed for aliens to swoop down and scoop me up. Yeah, only the first time.

Cat-o-Log

I love cats. I own four of them. Or they own me. Bear also loves cats. He's the one, however, that keeps me in check. When I see an incredibly cute cat that needs a loving home, Bear will say "Bernie, we have four cats already. We don't have room for any more." Of course, he means no room in our home because there is always enough room in our hearts to love more cats.

This past weekend, we went to the new PetSmart near our home. It's pretty big and I asked for directions to the cat food. As a gentleman was guiding me to the right isle, I lost Bear. I heard him say "Oh cats" and he was gone. I found the food and then went to find Bear because the bag was too big for me to lift. I found him at the "Adopt-a-thon". There were cages and cages of cats. He was standing in front of one cage that housed two black Siamese-cross cats. A woman came out of the back and said "You can go inside and hold them if you'd like." I politely said "Oh, no thanks. That's okay." Bear said "I'd like to". And that was the end of that.

We are now foster parents to the most adorable cats you have ever seen. They are both female and we think they are sisters.

Hugs (pictured above on your left) is approximately five years old and very, very loving. She loves to sit beside you or on you -- but does not like to be picked up. She's very calm and likes to be scratched.

Kisses (pictured above on your right) is approximately three years old and is also very, very loving. She is the more skittish of the two but, after a day and a half, is now integrated into our family. She also likes to sit with you and she loves to be scratched. She also does not like to be picked up.

Hugs and kisses were rescued from a cat hoarder. They are very close to one another and we are looking for a home for them together. They are litter trained. They get along very well with other cats and they are great with kids (our 18 month old grandson). They are spayed, have had their needles, and have been treated for fleas and worms.

We are fostering through Abandoned Cats Rescue.

If you are interested in these cats (or if you're interested in fostering), please send an email to bernie@bernieandbear.com and I can answer any questions you may have.

Stealing His Thunder

Stealer is about 12 or 13 years old now. We're not sure exactly how old he is because he was a rescue. We've had him since (we guestimate) he was a year old. Stealer is (or was) our Alpha Male. If you look closely at his picture, you'll see that he has a chunk out of his right (your left) ear missing. That's from one of his many, many scraps.

Lately, Stealer has been slowing down. He still plays and he still gets into squabbles with the other cats (we have four altogether). But lately, he's been the one to back down. All three of the other cats have taken to showing Stealer his place. That's pretty normal when there is an "Alpha Male" position opening up. What's not normal is that Winnie has also been putting Stealer in his place. Until now, Winnie has been more of a female cat. He grooms the other cats, he cuddles them, and he's been the "mom".

Now, Stealer walks across the living room to get to his favourite spot on the heating vent and it's like crossing a battle field. One or another of the cats will stare him down until he turns away or take a swat at him and eventually pin him down until he he's able to get up and run away.

It's a sad thing to watch a leader fall from the podium. Sad until you remember that what they are doing to him, he did to them. Except he showed now mercy where they are showing some.

I've said it before and I'll say it again -- What goes around comes around so be nice to the other cats in your home.

Excuse Me if I Sound Bitter

My brother and his wife are separated and have been since the summer. They have two children -- a young son and a daughter who is 18 (and five months pregnant).

When I spoke with my sister-in-flaw about the separation, she was angry. Okay, I get that. At one point, the conversation went like this:

Sister-in-flaw: Your brother is in for a big surprise. I'm going to screw him over.

Me: You do realize who you're talking to, don't you?

Sister-in-flaw: What?

Me: I'm his sister. I may still be friends with you but you are talking about my brother. I'm not going to get involved in your drama, but I'm also not going to sit idly by and watch my brother get screwed over by you.

Sister-in-flaw: But I thought you were on my side.

How dense do you have to be?

It did not end there. I mean that conversation ended, but her ability to amaze me didn't end.

When mom was in the hospital just before she passed away in November, my step-father managed to get hold of my sister-in-flaw and let her know (she had no telephone). Shortly after that, she called me to tell me how sorry she was. I appreciated that and I told her so. Then she started to launch into a laundry list of horrible things my brother was doing to her. I said, "I have enough going on in my life right now and I don't need to deal with your shit". And I hung up on her.

Still does not end there.

My brother had just left Edmonton to come home when my mother suffered her heart attack and we had no way of reaching him. As a family, the rest of us made the decision to remove my mother from life support but we also decided to give my brother one more day to arrive home to be there for it. My sister-in-flaw knew that and she knew we were going to be at the hospital the next day to remove my mother from life support. My brother made it on time and he was there with her at the end.

When he left the hospital, there were police officers waiting for him. His story (and I only have his side) is that they were there so that he could let them (and my sister-in-flaw) into the house so she could get her belongings. I'm not sure if there's more to that story or not -- but my brother did drive away in his own van -- not the police cruiser.

My sister-in-flaw thought it was appropriate to send the police to wait for my brother on the very day he just watched his mother die?!!!?

Still doesn't end there.

She decided that that was also an appropriate day to serve him with court papers for sole custody of their son.

Now I know why they invented the word "c*nt".

Oh Look, a Segue ..er.. Segway

Just before Christmas, Bear and I went to the Dominican with two other couples. While there, we took a one-hour tour on a Segway. I absolutely loved it. I took to it like a duck to water. When we first started out, they had us on "turtle" mode -- meaning it had a governor and it wouldn't let us go fast. After about five minutes, we all got off the machines and they set them to a faster mode -- but not the fastest, I'm sure.

Bear and I loved going as fast as we could make it go. But the rest of the group wasn't really into that. So, Bear and I stayed at the back and we would go very, very slow to let everyone get ahead of us and then we'd open them wide open and catch up.

On one such maneuver, I was catching up to the person ahead of me. I didn't realize how quickly I was catching up until it was too late. There are no brake lights on those things and the person ahead of me slowed down almost to the point of stopping, very quickly. That wasn't hard because she hadn't been going very fast in the first place. I, on the other hand, had been going very fast (for a Segway).

There was no way I was stopping. I tried and I slowed down considerably. And I tried to turn to pass her instead of hitting her. As a result only one of my tires hit her tire. She was fine. She only felt a little bump. Had she been moving, it might have been worse for her. Me? I was moving.

I'm not sure exactly what happened then. But it all happened very, very quickly. I know one of my feet flew off the platform. Instead of trying to put it back on, I tried to jump off. But I couldn't jump off because my leg was wedged between the inside "hump" on the platform and the wheel hub. I was completely out of control. I saw myself heading for the bushes and a ravine (about six feet deep). Suddenly, I was airborne! I flew headfirst over the handles and into the ravine. I must have summersaulted because when I can to a stop (about four feet down) my head was facing up toward the road.

As soon as I came to a stop and took a breath to assure myself that I was indeed breathing, I yelled as loud as I could "I'm okay. I'm okay." I knew Bear would be panicking and I wanted to let him know that I was at least alive. Beyond that, I had no idea.

Suddenly, a bunch of Segway guides showed up, lifted me to my feet and hoisted me out of the ravine. I was okay. Nothing broken. I had a few scrapes on my lip and chin. I had a minor cut on my hand. My leg (where it had been wedged by the wheel well) had a goose egg sized lump on it. I had a half a missing baby toe nail and I had a little cut on the top of my foot. I think I got off really lucky.

When I thought about getting back on the Segway, I was terrified. For that reason, I said "Get me back on that thing while I still can". I got on. I was shaking and I was a little bit teary. But as I got going, the fear receded and I started to enjoy myself again. I even rode one the next day without a bit of fear.

The story does not end there. Our guide was maybe 20 years old. He was very, very sweet. He kept asking if I was okay and he kept apologizing. We stopped to take some pictures and again he kept apologizing and asking if I were okay. He also got out a first aid kit and was putting anti-bacterial something or other onto a piece of cotton as I was assuring him that it was not his fault and I was okay. I held my arms wide and said "Look at me. I'm fine." He smiled and took my hand. "See" I said, "It's just a little scratch. Doesn't hurt at all." He dabbed it with the cotton. I drew my hand back quickly and screamed,

"OH MY GOD! THAT HURTS! IT BURNS!"

He was horrified. Until I started laughing. "I'm just kiddding. It's fine". Thankfully, he also had a sense of humour. He laughed as well. But I think he may have pushed just a little bit harder with the cotton after that. GRIN

So, now the scrapes and cuts on my chin, lip, hand and foot have healed. My baby toe nail is growing back. The bruises from my leg have faded to almost nothing I only have a bit of pain if I roll over on that leg, but that is fading more and more each day.

But I have some great photos and a wonderful memory of my very first Segway ride.

See You Later, Mom

On November 26, 2008, after a lengthy and courageous battle, mom quietly slipped away while surrounded by her loving family.

On the Thursday before she passed, I received a telephone call from my step-father because he had been in a minor car accident (no one was hurt) and he wanted me to come and get him and mom from the hospital (she was having a treatment) and then drive them both home. When I arrived, my step-father was still dealing with the police and waiting for a tow truck. I sat in the car for about an hour with mom, just chatting -- about nothing and about everything. I didn't know that would be my last real conversation with her. I've said it before and I will say it again and again, "Everything happens for a reason". What a gift I was given.

We had a Celebration of Life for mom at the Staircase. It seems most major events in my life take place there. My daughter told mom she would be a great-grandmother there. I've had various birthday parties there. I was married there. I celebrated my mom's life there.

I can't begin to guess how many songs I have sung at the Staircase. The first time mom heard me sing Cabaret, she told me that I had to sing that for her at her funeral. Of course, I told her I would do no such thing -- that would be inappropriate. She reminded me many times in the next few years of that wish. When the time came, I could not imagine standing in front of a roomful of people and singing Cabaret. I like the spotlight, but not that way. I did, however, find a compromise. I copied Liza Minelli's version to my iPod and printed 25 lyric sheets. We played the song and everyone sang along. Probably none louder than me, when I could. I know she heard it.

I also wrote something for my mom but was unable to read it at the celebration so Bear read it for me. I'd like to share it with you.

********

I remember sitting next to my mom at various family weddings as I was growing up. She would groan and roll her eyes through just about every speech there was. Inevitably I would hear her mutter, “Oh my god. Let’s just get to the good stuff.” So, I won’t take too much of your time.

First, I need to explain that the ladybug is a symbol of my grandmother, it’s a symbol of my mother and I hope one day it will be my symbol.

When I was young, my mom taught me a little verse:

Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home
Your house is on fire, your children are alone

I was horrified. I asked mom why a ladybug, why anyone, would leave their children alone and at risk of danger. Mom explained that mothers couldn’t always be there for children. It was impossible. She said the important thing to remember was that moms might not be there all the time, but they were only ever a whispered “Mom, I need you” away.

And she was. I didn’t even have to whisper it and mom knew. I’d be feeling down about something and my phone would ring. “Kimberly, what’s wrong” and we’d talk.

She’s still there for me now.

When mom had her heart attack, I came home from the hospital in the early afternoon after spending most of the night with mom. I was exhausted but pretty sure I wasn’t going to be able to sleep. I walked into my kitchen and found a wooden ladybug lying in the middle of the floor. It had fallen off a pencil that was stuck on my fridge with a magnet. I took that ladybug into the bedroom with me, put it on my night table next to me and I slept.

Then, just last week, I was leaving work early to pick up mom’s ashes. I was weepy and dreaded going. My car is red and it has a ladybug vanity licence plate. I stopped at a stop light and saw a woman in my review mirror approaching my window. I put it down a bit and she said “Oh my god. A ladybug. How very perfect. How it suits you. All the best to you and your family.” And she walked away laughing and going on about my ladybug car. And I felt better.

Yeah. She’s there for me.

I had a lot of trouble writing these words until I remembered that when I was growing up, I was never allowed to say good-bye to my mom. If I did, she’d say “Don’t say good-bye. Say, see you later”.

So, I love you mom and I’ll see you later.

********

I love you mom and I'll see you later.

The Key to Success

My grandson, Doodle, is 17 months old. He was over on Christmas Day. We have a baby gate that we put up so he can't escape the living room (about the only room in our home that his toddler proofed at this point).

Doodle took a set of keys from Aunt Tee Tee and he took them over the baby gate. He put one of the keys into the handle that we push in order to remove the gate. When that didn't work, he went on to the next one. He tried each key, probably twice.

Then he stood there with the keys clenched in his tiny little fist and he said "nnnnnneeeeeeeennnnn", which sounded something like what Opa says when he can't get something to work the way he would like....without the swearing of course. Then he went back to trying each key again.

Yeah, he has a lot of his Opa in him.

Here I Am

I am no longer blogging on Blog Spot. I mean, I am but it won't show up there anymore. I now post on my own web-site www.h2h-entertainment.com/blog.

I am mostly doing this post because it's a test to see how it works.

I also found out that Facebook will not let me import my blog via my own web site, so I'll just post to my provide whenever I update it.