Here's Mud In Your Ear

When I was younger (I'm not sure exactly what age but I was old enough to walk home from school by myself -- which was pretty young WAAAAAYYYYY back then), mom made appointments for me to see the ear specialist. I was just getting a check-up because I had chronic ear infections as a child.

Mom sent me to school with a note allowing me to leave school early. It was raining that day so she warned me "Don't walk through Burkholder School because it'll be full of mud". Now, why did she have to go and say that? She might as well have shaken the chicken bones and put a full-
blown curse on my head.

Both my teacher and I forgot to watch the time and I left school about 20 minutes later than I should have. I knew I had to get home quickly or mom was going to blow a gasket. I decided to cut through Burkholder School to save some time. (See? What'd I tell ya?).

About halfway across the field, I walked through a puddle and one of my feet sunk into the mud and it became stuck. No problem. I firmly planted the other foot and was able to get the stuck foot out. Only to find that the second foot was stuck instead. CRAP!!!! What the heck was I going to do? I did what any young girl would do...I screamed my ass off. I screamed until I was hoarse. Of course, no one heard me. I was too far from the school and it was mid-day. Everyone was still in school or taking advantage of the kids being in school. I imagine if any of the housewives heard me screaming, they just decided to ignore it until their "stories" were over.

Screaming didn't bring the police, fire and ambulance so I knew I had to try something else. I was wearing those boots that you put over shoes so I thought maybe I'd take the boots off and walk in my shoes. Nope. That would get my shoes all muddy and they were my new runners and mom would kill me. Scratch that idea.

AHA! It came to me. I bent at the waist, leaned way over and grabbed both feet at the toes with my hands and started pulling up. Yup. I was gonna pull both feet out of the mud at the same time. It was working too. I felt my toes lifting from the mud...WHOO HOO!

THUNK....SQUISH....

While I was bent over, I lost my balance and did a summersault to land flat on my back in the mud. I was completely covered in mud. Literally, mud from head to toe.

I think that was the first time I ever prayed for aliens to swoop down and scoop me up. Yeah, only the first time.